Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Call Your Girlfriend

Your welcome....

Quite Possibly The Most Beautiful Song(s) in the World

Moving is a strange beast.  On one hand, it is an overwhelming amount of work and change.  On the other, for me at least, it's a fairly speedy process.  I'm not one to live out of boxes or suitcases if at all possible, and, quite frankly, I don't have that much stuff.  Not in the grand scheme of things.

The idea of packing over the course of two weeks seemed and still seems completely ludicrous to me.  Here I sit, mere days before transplanting myself across the country back to a place that is at once familiar and wholly foreign... and instead of diving into packing whole heartedly, I've taken my time.  Slept in.  Had dinners with friends.  Read an entire three-book series in as many days...  and while I plan on delving into a lengthy post about the Fifty Shades of Grey series after the move is complete and I've regained some semblance of sanity... these books have been echoing in my head pretty profoundly lately.

Not for the story itself, nor for the ... ahem... romance.  For the music.

I am smitten.  The entire playlists are worth checking out, but two songs have snuck into my psyche and taken root already.  Arresting and beautiful.  The perfect soundtrack.   I challenge you to listen and not be moved.

Friday, June 22, 2012

What Was I Thinking?!

Somehow in my wormy little brain, I thought  - "Two weeks.  Pshhh.  That's plenty of time."  And it is.  If you're baking a roast or, say, planning an impromptu party.  But party and roast this is not.  

No.  This is a cross country move filled with loads of packing and goodbyes and get togethers and whoops!  the sudden and unexpected absorption by a new (to me) book series and a shockingly bad migraine.  (more on all of these later)  

...I don't know what I was thinking.  

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Mind the Gap

After a few weeks of absence from this little space I've grown to love already, it seems fitting to fill in some gaps.  These next few days/weeks should prove enlightening as I may just find the time and inspiration to put these thoughts to paper.  

It has been busy, busy.  Uplifting, exhausting, sad as sad can be, exciting, inspiring, depressing and overwhelming on so many levels.  

Just a few things on my mind...  

*  Saying goodbye to a job I've loved and people I adore.  It is not fair that different areas of your life can be so conflicting, but at the end of the day, I have to do for me what I've tried to do for my students.  It's new and scary and so sad to say goodbye... but deep down, I know it's the right move for me. 

*  My family is amazing.  We are broken in the small ways that don't seem to matter, but above all, we genuinely love spending time together.  No pretense, no guilt or sense of obligation.  We just love each other and their support for me in this time of change is so wonderful.  

*  Where is my camera!?  I've managed to misplace my new and glorious little friend.  Hopefully, after the grand clean-and-close-out of my classroom tomorrow, I shall return victorious.  If not... well... I'll take it as it comes, I spose.  

*  Love and fat.  Specifically - brainstorming how to bring in and accept more of the former, and reducing (greatly) the latter.  

*  50 Shades.  (Grey and otherwise).  I'm fascinated by different people's ideas of love - the hows and wheres and whys and whats and whos.  The idea of appropriateness is such a huge thing for so many people, and our ideas are all so different.  It's a beautiful thing.  As long as we remember the all important mantra:  judge not, judge not, judge not.  

*  First Church.  I'm not an overly religious person.  I don't spend my time capitalizing pronouns to describe my spirituality.  But I do believe that church is important.  And it is something I have deeply missed.  Spending time with like-minded people in communion of thoughts and hearts and positivity is such a powerful thing and I am genuinely excited to return to the big building on the hill - and the coffee shop downtown.  Genuine people who care and wholeheartedly want to share their lives with the likes of me.   Be it in song, over coffee and doughnuts in the am, or coffee and beer in the pm.  It feels like home.  

Monday, June 11, 2012

Sleepless Sundays

'Tis tradition at this point.  It is Sunday, therefore I do not sleep.

I'm not worried or feeling stressed.  I don't have a lot on my mind, no mental lists spinning out of control.... I've limited my caffeine, certainly haven't exercised to late in the day...  But no luck.  I've read, done some relaxing yoga, found the cool side of the pillow numerous times, cuddled with the kitten, drank a glass of water, even listened to my 'deep sleep' hypnosis ap to completion -  a rare event, since usually that thing does the trick lickity split.

For all intents and purposes, I should be all kinds of tuckered out.  But instead, I am the next greatest nocturnal ceiling inspector.  With 4 months weekly experience.  And I don't understand why.   Boo and a hiss.

Monday, June 4, 2012

My Little Amelie-Melo

My fluffy, fuzzy, sometimes dread-locked from the heat, moody and altogether lovable kitten is the best ever.  
She sheds unceasingly.  She steals tea biscuits from my plate when she thinks I'm not looking.  She absolutely hates cat treats, but she loves stealing Triscuits and the chicken from my pizza.   Her hair stands up on end, mats, and sometimes she looks a righteous mess. 

And sometimes, she has dreams and wakes herself up with a super loud hiss.  She gets up and walks around looking around all disgruntled-like at me as if to blame me for disturbing her slumber.  It is the cutest thing.  

Bringing her home was the best decision I've made.  She's been my constant.  She's saved my sanity on more than one occasion.  She is my best girl.    

Sunday, June 3, 2012

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I moved to Virginia five years ago on a wink and a prayer.  I knew no one.  Had no grounding.  But shoot, I packed my bags and moved.  Trekked across the country.  I was sure it was going to be the real deal.  Forever.  

Through many twists and turns, heart breaks and aches, loads of frequent flier miles, friendships gained and lost, support sought and found, hard times and good times - living in Virginia just doesn't...   It just doesn't make my heart sing. 

For the past few years I've dreamed of moving home.  Of no longer being the one family get togethers must be arranged to include.  Of no longer having the Sunday family phone calls.  Of no longer being hours and hours and hours away from my nearest and dearest.  Of being able to hug my grandmother whenever I want to.  Of being in a place where football doesn't mean the Redskins.   
But I've been very torn, too.  

I've moved around a lot in the past few years.  I've been decisive.  But over the past five years - five years of loving my job and having very little else to show for it.  And while it hasn't all been terrible, it's been a very difficult five years.  Lonely.  It's made me a bit gun shy.  It's made me question my dreams.  And that is very scary.  

I jumped into the application process out of gut level desire and a whim.  I hoped.  I really wanted.  But I still doubted.  I interviewed.  I got excited.  I doubted.  I got an offer.  I was conflicted.  I felt guilty.  I was super excited.  I doubted.  My certification became a massive headache.  I cried a lot.  I stopped sleeping.  I doubted.  I hoped.  I wished.  I questioned.  When I did start sleeping again, I had nightmares every single night.  

This last month and a half has been stressful and scary and has filled me with so many unpleasant thoughts - feeling stuck and out of control, afraid that the universe's karmic alignment had shifted out of my favor, questioning most of my decisions.  I even pondered calling it a day, giving up the dream and starting over again on the West Coast instead.  It has sucked so much.  

Two days ago I got the contract.  It is official on every level.  

It's bittersweet and really difficult to say goodbye to the friendships I've made and the students I've adored and sweat blood with.  But I haven't felt this good in years.  I've slept like a baby.  It's as though the weights of the world have literally left my shoulders.  
 For the first time in a long time, I feel like doors are opening again.  The life I've always wanted to lead is at my fingertips.  

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Good Day Sunshine

Nothing spectacular, but solid.  Today was not remarkable.  It was just good.   Really good.  

Feeling - gratitude for an awesome work week and amazing students, an excellent auto shop experience, and anxious to be  the bearer of news to kiddos I adore.  

Sporting - and updated hairdo, a fully fixed, maintained and safe vehicle,  and a new dress for chaperoning.  

Listening - Of Mosters and Men

Craving - Sushi from my most favorite spot

Admiring - The woman in Victoria's Secret buying slinky and oh-so-sexy lingerie.  In a full burka and hijab.  Get it girl.  

Feeling Feisty

Excited, relieved, overwhelmed and oh so bittersweet... now is the time for planning, informing, arranging, and celebrating!  

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