Today, for completely inexplicable reasons, I am not enough. Independent though I try to be at all times, there are just some moments where the desire to be part of a two is stronger than expected.
And for this moment, I completely and wholeheartedly blame Regina Spektor.
Samson was the first song I ever really fell in love with in the sense that it completely explained the feelings of my heart. The best relationship I've ever had. Still a damn good friend. We were not meant to be. I was not a good girlfriend. I wanted to be. But for reasons beyond me, I just... couldn't. Somedays I wonder why. Somedays I wonder the what ifs. Most of the time, I just wish I could look back and know I'd given it everything I had. I wish I had an ounce of the perspective and hindsight I have now.
I wouldn't change the way things ended for us, in the end. He is one of my nearest and dearest. And his wife is lovely inside and out.
But none of this changes the fact that this song has crept onto my playlist on three different occasions today. And gosh, wouldn't it be lovely to feel that way again...
"Beneath the stars came falling on our heads/ but they're just old light/
your hair was long when we first met..."