Friday, April 12, 2013

Today: past tense.

*  I woke up and called in to work with a feeling that things just weren't right; more premonition than solid facts.
*  I drove to school at 6:45am in my pjs to set up for a substitute.
*  I was a slower moving beast than normal and took nearly 45 minutes to do a 20 minute job.
*  I decided to screw embarrassment, and waved to my students as they came into school.  No makeup, all sweatpants, hair not brushed.  I heard them whisper to another teacher that, "Man... Ms. Meyers doesn't look good at all."
*  I ate bread pudding for breakfast because it sounded oh so much better than yogurt. And I'm an adult.  Adults can do all kinds of ridiculous things.  Because being an adult is awesome.
*  I watched the single most disturbing documentary I have ever seen, gritting my teeth through alieve and a wine bottle cooler-turned-cold compress on my growing headache.  I should have known better.  But I watched.  And I was so horrified by a certain 3 minute segment - despite the strong warnings that should have told my gut to turn it off... because HBO never and I mean NEVER interrupts programming to give a warning mid-way through.  I was so horrified that I found myself crying loud, obnoxious tears, pressing my hands to my ears, literally blocking out all sound, and repeating the word "no" with a desperation that I have never heard come from my own voice.  There are some things you can never unsee.  Or unhear.  The unhearing is worse.
*  I survived my growing headache turning into one of epic proportions.  Leaving me drained, nauseous, feverish, and shaking.  The worst kind of sick.  The kind you know you worsened.  The hold yourself up with the bathroom walls and pray your legs don't give out from under you, two showers and two fresh sets of clothes within an hour kind of sick.
*  I took a nap with not one, but two kittens.  And it was awesome.  It was just barely noon.  Stillness, darkness, heavy medication, cold compresses (real or stupidly repurposed), and kittens help most modern illnesses.
*  I did not receive a call from the boy who promised to call.  I wallowed for about 37 seconds before deciding old fashioned boy-girl protocol is for the birds.  I called him myself with suggested plans.  Success was mine.
*  I ate picnic lunch on a blanket on the living room floor for dinner.  It was amazing.
*  I watched Project Runway and Ellen stand up specials and laughed so hard my headache came back.
*  I discovered that Deadliest Catch is coming back in a week and I just can't help feeling that irrepressible anticipation growing in my chest.  You know, because I'm such a rough and tough, die hard, fisherman-lady-person.  I effing love that show.
*  I did not grade the small mountain of papers I brought home from school this morning.
*  I did not paint my nails, nor do the dishes as I'd planned.
*  I did not cure my headache, nor my stomachache.
*  I ended my day feeling lucky to be alive, to have good food to eat, good blogs and books to read, persnickety kittens to cuddle, friends to call and text and email and facebook, to have good health most of the time, to have students who tell the truth - especially when it's ugly, and to have parents who care enough to call three times when they've realized I'm home sick while they are out of town.

Tomorrow will be kinder.  Tomorrow will be more consistent.  Tomorrow will be.

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